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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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FAA Allows Use Of Electronics Throughout Flights

The Federal Aviation Administration announced that airline passengers will now be able to use certain electronic devices, such as e-readers and video gaming devices, throughout an entire flight, though cell phone calls remain prohibited. What do you think?

  • “All right. I’ll start flying again.”

    Xavier Wren Illustration Instructor
  • “Aw, man. Just when I sold all my electronics.”

    Veronique Fowler Grocery Bagger
  • “Nice to see the people whose job it is to protect me loosening up a bit.”

    Kyle Domingo Systems Analyst

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