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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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FAA Grounds Problem-Prone Boeing Dreamliners

Following reports that Boeing 787 aircraft have suffered fuel leaks, battery fires, and a cracked windshield, the Federal Aviation Administration grounded all the Dreamliners in the U.S., and airlines around the world have followed suit. What do you think?

  • “What a piece of shit.”

    Sherryl Parmelee Botanist
  • “It’s a shame they don’t get that the so-called defects are Boeing’s deeper statement about the fragile nature of dreams and aircraft.”

    Clayton Sanchez Rug Designer
  • “Why are they doing this? If they just let Sully fly those planes everything would be fine.”

    Carlos Dixon Pearl Stringer
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