Face Transplants

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Frenzied Trump Supporters Admit They’d Be Just As Happy Tearing Him To Pieces

‘We’re Just Mad And Want To Destroy Something,’ Say Candidate’s Backers

WASHINGTON—Saying they simply needed something to direct their anger toward, the nation’s frenzied Donald Trump supporters admitted Thursday that, if circumstances were different, they would be just as happy tearing the Republican frontrunner to pieces.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Face Transplants

The Cleveland Clinic has begun interviewing candidates for the world's first face transplant. What do you think?
  • "Is this strictly for disfigurement victims, or can I turn my trophy wife into a hot Asian chick if I feel like it?"

    Guy Clemmons
    Systems Analyst
  • "Finally, I will have the face of my baboon heart's desire."

    Kim Kovacs
    Veterinary Assistant
  • "Say goodbye to the old world, where you were limited to just one face on the boring old front of your head."

    Parker Knowleton
    Legal Aide