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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Face Transplants

The Cleveland Clinic has begun interviewing candidates for the world's first face transplant. What do you think?
  • "Is this strictly for disfigurement victims, or can I turn my trophy wife into a hot Asian chick if I feel like it?"

    Guy Clemmons Systems Analyst
  • "Finally, I will have the face of my baboon heart's desire."

    Kim Kovacs Veterinary Assistant
  • "Say goodbye to the old world, where you were limited to just one face on the boring old front of your head."

    Parker Knowleton Legal Aide
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