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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Facebook Adds More Than 50 New Gender Options

Facebook announced yesterday that it will no longer limit users’ choices to “male” or “female” when identifying gender, instead offering a new customizable option allowing them to choose from over 50 preset terms and pick their preferred pronoun. What do you think?

  • “It’s time to stop coddling people by showing them respect.”

    Jake Edelman Choir Conductor
  • “Could they hold off on that a bit? I’m trying to help my mom understand Facebook, and this really won’t help."

    Maggie Birnbaum Driving Instructor
  • “Is it okay if I still just choose ‘male’?”

    James Armstrong Air Traffic Controller
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