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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Facebook ‘Ask’ Feature Lets Friends Inquire About Relationships

Facebook has begun rolling out a new profile feature in which an “Ask” button is displayed beside items in a user’s “About” page, including the “Relationship Status” section, so that users can directly ask if their friends have a significant other. What do you think?

  • “You’re not supposed to ask for that kind of information; you’re supposed to deduce it by browsing through hundreds of someone’s personal photos and wall posts.”

    Lena Macdonald Summer Camp Counselor
  • “Can I still ask my friends about stuff in person, or do I have to use Facebook for everything now?”

    Daniel Chouler Carpet Cleaner
  • “This is ridiculous. If people want to know my relationship status, they can just ask me. Or email or text. Or this button thing you’re talking about.”

    Luke Bailey Pastry Chef

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