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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Facebook Bans Sale Of ISIS Clothing

Facebook has announced it is removing pages that are selling merchandise bearing the brand of militant group Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, including T-shirts with slogans such as “We Are All ISIS” and “Fight for Freedom, Until the Last Drop of Blood.” What do you think?

  • “Finally, we’re hitting them where it hurts.”

    Casey Morris Youth Sports Referee
  • “I would never buy clothing from a terrorist organization without trying it on first.”

    Maria Hudnall Emergency Medical Technician
  • “It's about time. I’ve been complaining for months that they stole their slogan ‘Fight for Freedom, Until the Last Drop of Blood’ from my intramural kickball team."

    Grant Bemis Systems Analyst

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