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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Facebook Introduces New Search Feature

Positioning itself as a potential rival to LinkedIn and online dating sites, Facebook introduced its new Graph Search yesterday, a feature that allows users to search people, pictures, and interests on the social network using a variety of filters. What do you think?

  • “Wait. Other people on Facebook can see me?”

    Rory Sandwich Systems Analyst
  • “Wow, the name alone is exciting—Graph Search!”

    Martha Tuttle Tour Guide
  • “But let’s say I want to see some tits. Then what?”

    Ray Cowles Screen Printer

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