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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Facebook More Popular Than Google

For the first time ever, the social network Facebook had more weekly traffic than Google, making it the most popular site on the Internet. What do you think?

  • "Oh, this will all die down in three months when everyone's done looking at my wedding photos."

    Irving Caldwell Systems Analyst
  • "And MySpace has Ask Jeeves firmly in its sights."

    Patricia Alexander Cabinet Maker
  • "Yeah, even Facebook’s search capabilities are starting to rival Google’s. Like if you’re trying to remember a song lyric or movie quote, all you have to do is type the first couple words into your status and one of your friends will fill in the rest almost immediately.”

    Willie Henderson Field Gauger

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