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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Facebook Reaches 1 Billion Users

The 8-year-old social networking site Facebook now has 1 billion active monthly users, with roughly one of every seven people in the world holding an account, according to CEO Mark Zuckerberg. What do you think?

  • “I’d be worried about having the personal information of so many people in one system if I didn’t completely trust Facebook’s latest privacy policy.”

    Martin Goris Agricultural Engineer
  • “Things always get more popular once there’s a movie.”

    Donald Hickox Military Recruiter
  • “Are you telling me 6 billion people don’t use Facebook? What am I doing on there? Am I some sort of freak?”

    Ava Westcott Noodle-Press Operator

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