adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Facebook Spends $2 Billion On Virtual Reality Company

CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced yesterday that Facebook has agreed to pay $2 billion for Oculus VR, a small startup company that makes virtual reality headsets, which could possibly allow Facebook users to see their friends in a 3D environment. What do you think?

  • “I was just thinking about how I could get a little more Facebook in my life.”

    Ryan Varnson Public Relations Consultant
  • “Aw, man. I was gonna buy Oculus VR.”

    Chris Middleton Kleenex Box Stuffer
  • “That Mark Zuckerberg really seems to be into technology.”

    Lesley O’Leary Label Peeler

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close