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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Facebook Testing Out ‘Buy’ Button

According to company officials, Facebook is testing out a new “Buy” button on the News Feed section and on advertisements, which would give users the option to keep their credit card and shipping information on file with Facebook and purchase items without ever leaving the site. What do you think?

  • “Oh, boy, a new button!”

    Carson Lane Catalogue Printer
  • “If they want to compete with Amazon, they are going to have to get their purchasing process down to a half-click or less.”

    Barry Kanalley Systems Analyst
  • “This sounds awful and unnecessary. I suppose I’ll get used to it, though.”

    Margaret Burke FedEx Delivery Manager

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