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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Facebook To Launch IPO

Social networking site Facebook is expected to go public this week and will likely become the largest tech IPO in history. What do you think?

  • “They may want to hold off on that—a few of my friends are threatening to leave Facebook over some of its new features.”

    Frieda Luallen Dissolver Operator
  • "Even when Facebook has tons of cash, I bet it'll still ask me to ‘like’ Papa John's goddamn pizza everyday."

    Benson Cartwright Systems Analyst
  • "Jesus. All this and I still can't find the Brandon White I knew in college, class of 2001. Brandon, if you're reading this, what's up?"

    Jake Myrig Cement Loader

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