adBlockCheck

Recent News

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Fan Has $100K Of Surgery To Look Like Justin Bieber

Los Angeles resident Toby Sheldon, 33, has spent $100,000 on various cosmetic procedures—including hair transplants, eyelid surgery, a chin reduction, and Botox injections—to make himself look like 19-year-old pop sensation Justin Bieber. What do you think?

  • “Good luck reproducing that exotic Canadian look.”

    Terry Hinkley News Anchor
  • “Well, I hope he likes having young girls constantly fawning over him because that’s what he can expect now.”

    Mia Kahn Panelboard Operator
  • “I did the same thing and have no regrets.”

    Robert Ferdinand Nursery Manager
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close