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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Farewell, Weekly World News

Weekly World News, home to columnist Ed Anger and exclusive coverage of Bat Boy, will cease publication as of August 3. What do you think?
  • "Without their insightful reporting, how are we supposed to make sense of the increasing number of heads appearing on our nation's newborns?"

    Caroline Adamson Systems Analyst
  • "Ed Anger must be madder than a dime-a-dance broad at a wheelchair convention at this news."

    Bob Harvey Custom Detailer
  • "Since The Globe broke the story, I have my doubts that it's true."

    Andy Pew Food Cart Vendor

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