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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Farmers Planting Less Corn

Despite a record demand for corn caused in part by ethanol fuel, American farmers are expected to plant 8 percent less corn in 2008 than they did last year. What do you think?
  • "I'm sorry; people have been putting corn in their cars? Did I fall asleep and wake up 500 years in the past?"

    Dawn Patterson Personal Trainer
  • "I'm surprised how quickly the farmers were able to master OPEC-style supply and demand manipulation."

    Sam Reese Systems Analyst
  • "I knew the day would come when a corndog would lend me an air of affluence."

    Larry Kemmis Secretary

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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