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Farmers Planting Less Corn

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Farmers Planting Less Corn

Despite a record demand for corn caused in part by ethanol fuel, American farmers are expected to plant 8 percent less corn in 2008 than they did last year. What do you think?
  • "I'm sorry; people have been putting corn in their cars? Did I fall asleep and wake up 500 years in the past?"

    Dawn Patterson
    Personal Trainer
  • "I'm surprised how quickly the farmers were able to master OPEC-style supply and demand manipulation."

    Sam Reese
    Systems Analyst
  • "I knew the day would come when a corndog would lend me an air of affluence."

    Larry Kemmis
    Secretary

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