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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Fast-Cut Cartoons May Reduce Children's Focus

In a recent study, children who watched SpongeBob SquarePants were less able to complete a problem-solving task than those who instead watched an educational cartoon or spent the time drawing. What do you think?

  • "I know it's not ideal, but if my kid doesn't watch TV, then he might try and hug me."

    Meredity Tulipana Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, jeez. Honestly, I'm sick and tired of children's needs diametrically opposing my favorite afternoon animated programming."

    Wallace Trower Harness Builder
  • "Yeah, but I don't want my son to turn into one of those weird drawing kids."

    Trevor Malinowski Sandblast Operator

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