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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Fatty Foods Trigger Addiction Response

A new study in rats suggests that foods high in fat and calories trigger the same addiction response in the brain that cocaine does. What do you think?

  • "I just read that somewhere, too, but I didn't think it was a scientific study, I thought it was Cathy."

    Marvin Johnson Systems Analyst
  • "Have they ruled out the possibility that the rats were all secretly using cocaine throughout the duration of the study?"

    Cath Shippy Veneer Trimmer
  • "We shouldn’t draw too many conclusions. After all, Scarface just wouldn't have been the same if Al Pacino dropped his head into a pile of burgers on his desk and came up shooting."

    Gary Rittman Machine Boss
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