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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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FBI Offering $10,000 For Help In Curbing Laser Strikes

The FBI has announced a new rewards program offering $10,000 to anyone who can provide information leading to the arrest of individuals who point handheld lasers at aircraft, incidents known as “laser strikes” or “lasing.” What you think?

  • “No way. Do you have any idea what laser gangs do to snitches?”

    Lynn McGill Wood Sander
  • “The Constitution clearly states that I can be as big a prick as I want.”

    Rob Deery Systems Analyst
  • “I just point my finger at the pilot. They know.”

    Morgan Glickman Stock Portfolio Analyst

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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