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Scientology Minister Accused Of Molesting Thetans

The Church of Scientology plunged into scandal Thursday when Frank D. Linehan, a prominent minister who has helped thousands of parishioners move up the Bridge to Total Freedom and achieve Clear, was arrested on 471 charges of molesting alien thetans.

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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FBI Probing Johansson Phone Hack

The FBI is investigating the source of nude photos that were allegedly hacked from actress Scarlett Johansson's phone. What do you think?

  • "This was obviously a bunch of slimy adult men. Zitty teenage boys would have gotten her bank account numbers."

    Gwenn Sikking Systems Analyst
  • “What about the NSA and CIA? We’re talking about the integrity of an actress’s phone, for Christ’s sake!”

    Andrew Eden Wort Extractor
  • "In the old days, J. Edgar Hoover would have already known about her pictures and had a file going."

    Miguel Quade Plugger

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