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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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FCC May Allow Cell Phone Calls On Flights

The Federal Communications Commission is considering lifting the ban on cell phone calls on flights when the plane is above 10,000 feet, though calls would still be disallowed during takeoff and landing. What do you think?

  • “Can air travel get any better?”

    Leonard Flinchbaugh Chute Loader
  • “But takeoff and landing are the only parts I want to narrate.”

    Marcel Lorimer Systems Analyst
  • “Have the words ‘airplane mode’ lost all meaning?”

    Audrey Avery Aerodynamics Engineer

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