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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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FDA Allows Import Of Cancer Drugs

In order to alleviate the shortage of two cancer drugs, Doxil and methotrexate, the FDA has loosened restrictions and will allow the drugs to be imported from India and Australia. What do you think?

  • "But if drugs aren’t allowed to get really expensive, how do we know who deserves to live?"

    Damon Bassini Dressed-Poultry Grader
  • "Well, shit. What am I going to do now with all this bathtub Doxil?"

    Barbara Romão Unemployed
  • “If I wanted to kick my cancer with Australian drugs, I’d have spent the last 30 years killing my liver with Fosters, but I’m a Genesee man and so my tumor is American, goddamnit.”

    Fred Slon Chauffeur
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