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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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FDA Bans E-Cigarettes For Minors

With the growth of the $2 billion e-cigarette industry that currently has little to no federal oversight, the FDA has voted to impose new regulations, which include limiting the sale of e-cigarettes to minors. What do you think?

  • “If they don't want kids to smoke e-cigarettes, maybe they should stop having teen heartthrob Stephen Dorff endorsing them.”

    Kelly Connors Dance Chaperone
  • “This is just another case of Big Government exercising its legitimate Constitutional power to regulate the sale of products as set out in the Commerce Clause.”

    Richard Blackstone Property Seller
  • “But who else is going to be stupid enough to buy them?”

    Cameron Egan Software Packager

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