adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News

FDA, Dr. Oz Clash Over Apple Juice

The Food and Drug Administration has chastised Dr. Oz, accusing the TV physician of dispensing misleading and incorrect information when he expressed concerns over arsenic levels in apple juice. What do you think?

  • "Is there really arsenic in apple juice? If so, that's a really good price for arsenic."

    John Mizell Systems Analyst
  • "Some boys will say anything to get out of drinking their juice."

    Brandi Simmons Furnace Cleaner
  • "The only way this can be satisfactorily resolved is to get some other telegenic doctor to proclaim that consuming small amounts of arsenic is fine."

    Howard McDaniels Assembly Room Supervisor

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close