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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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FDA, Dr. Oz Clash Over Apple Juice

The Food and Drug Administration has chastised Dr. Oz, accusing the TV physician of dispensing misleading and incorrect information when he expressed concerns over arsenic levels in apple juice. What do you think?

  • "Is there really arsenic in apple juice? If so, that's a really good price for arsenic."

    John Mizell Systems Analyst
  • "Some boys will say anything to get out of drinking their juice."

    Brandi Simmons Furnace Cleaner
  • "The only way this can be satisfactorily resolved is to get some other telegenic doctor to proclaim that consuming small amounts of arsenic is fine."

    Howard McDaniels Assembly Room Supervisor

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