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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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FDA Okays Ingestible Sensor

The Food and Drug Administration approved the use of an ingestible digital sensor that can be embedded inside a pill and swallowed, allowing doctors to remotely monitor a patient’s heart rate, activity level, and other health indicators. What do you think?

  • “This probably isn’t going to work with me. I puke the second I think I’m swallowing any sort of digital sensor.”

    Jose Maddock Mathematician
  • “I’m pretty open and honest with my doctors, but one thing I don’t want them to know is my heart rate. That’s private.”

    Gary Kazarian Extruder Operator
  • “This is a huge step forward from the magic school buses full of children I had to swallow in the ’90s.”

    Eleanor Hankins Unemployed
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