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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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FDA Proposes Social Media Guidelines For Drug Companies

In order to prevent the posting of misleading information about medications, the FDA has proposed social media guidelines requiring drug companies to post both the benefits and risks of a drug, which experts say effectively limits their advertising on Twitter and Facebook. What do you think?

  • “That’s fine. My insurance company only lets me follow generic brands anyway.”

    Miles Faidley Cameraman
  • “Agreed. It’s really not possible to get a complete understanding of the benefits and risks of a drug without a full 15-second TV ad.”

    Nathan Lobell Driving Instructor
  • “What about Instagrams of the awesome pills people are about to swallow?”

    Allison Scheuer Gift Wrapper

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