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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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FDA Rarely Inspects Imported Food

Despite routinely being rejected as unfit for human consumption, only 1.3 percent of imported fish, vegetables, fruit, and other foods are inspected by the Food and Drug Administration. What do you think?
  • "What will the government do with all the food unfit for humans? 'Cause I'll totally eat it if they're just gonna toss it away."

    George Tartuffe Guitar Salesman
  • "Please tell me this doesn't include those Guacamole Doritos."

    Johann Puntigam Pharmacist's Assistant
  • "Can you blame them? I see the words 'Product of Ukraine' on a foodstuff and all my inhibitions melt away."

    Paul Ludlow Toll Booth Agent

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