FDA Rarely Inspects Imported Food

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Vol 43 Issue 16

Britney Loses Custody Of Children

A judge ruled Monday that Britney Spears must surrender custody of her two sons to ex-husband Kevin Federline because of her alleged substance abuse....
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

FDA Rarely Inspects Imported Food

Despite routinely being rejected as unfit for human consumption, only 1.3 percent of imported fish, vegetables, fruit, and other foods are inspected by the Food and Drug Administration. What do you think?
  • "What will the government do with all the food unfit for humans? 'Cause I'll totally eat it if they're just gonna toss it away."

    George Tartuffe
    Guitar Salesman
  • "Please tell me this doesn't include those Guacamole Doritos."

    Johann Puntigam
    Pharmacist's Assistant
  • "Can you blame them? I see the words 'Product of Ukraine' on a foodstuff and all my inhibitions melt away."

    Paul Ludlow
    Toll Booth Agent
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