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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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FDA To Ban Ephedra

The FDA recently announced that it plans to prohibit sales of products containing ephedra, a stimulant sold primarily for weight loss. What do you think?
  • "If they ban ephedra, they're just going to drive fat people out into the streets for their weight-loss fix."

    Donald Clark Systems Analyst
  • "This is bullshit. I contacted the FDA after my cousin swallowed three wooden blocks and died, and you still see those on the market."

    Alan King Unemployed
  • "Well, for now, I can get along fine with bitter orange, royal jelly, and the lichen derivative usnic acid."

    Steve Hernandez Cook
  • "How terrible! Americans have no other options for weight-loss products."

    Martha Nelson Product Tester
  • "You can ban the drug ephedra, but you'll never be able to ban what ephedra stands for."

    Angela Hall Teacher
  • "Why is it always the drugs that suffer when people get hurt?"

    Gregory Green Professor

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