adBlockCheck

Politics

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
End Of Section
  • More News

FDA To Regulate Tobacco

The Senate passed a bill that would allow the Food and Drug Administration to regulate the sale of cigarettes and would prohibit the use of terms like "light" and "low tar" in packaging. What do you think?
  • "When one door closes another opens. Goodbye Marlboro Lights, hello Marlboro Primes."

    Jake Ehrlich Coating Machine Operator
  • "I smoke ultra-lights, so I guess this doesn't affect me."

    Daniel Prager Unemployed
  • "They can remove 'light' and 'low tar' from the labels, but as long as I choose the cigarette brand with the least rugged man in its advertising, I know I'm getting the equivalent."

    Kathleen Shannon Flying Instructor

More from this section

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close