FDA To Regulate Tobacco

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Vol 45 Issue 24

Chatter Down 10 Percent

NEW YORK—The usage of common baseball chatter, including phrases like "Heybattabatta" and "Swingbattabatta," is down among teams at all...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

FDA To Regulate Tobacco

The Senate passed a bill that would allow the Food and Drug Administration to regulate the sale of cigarettes and would prohibit the use of terms like "light" and "low tar" in packaging. What do you think?
  • "When one door closes another opens. Goodbye Marlboro Lights, hello Marlboro Primes."

    Jake Ehrlich
    Coating Machine Operator
  • "I smoke ultra-lights, so I guess this doesn't affect me."

    Daniel Prager
    Unemployed
  • "They can remove 'light' and 'low tar' from the labels, but as long as I choose the cigarette brand with the least rugged man in its advertising, I know I'm getting the equivalent."

    Kathleen Shannon
    Flying Instructor
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