adBlockCheck

Recent News

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
End Of Section
  • More News

Fear Of Mail

The U.S. Postal Service has emerged as the primary means of spreading anthrax, sparking fear among mail carriers and millions of Americans. What do you think?
  • "I've been terrified to open my mail lately. Especially the stuff from Verizon."

    Rich Pfloeg Carpenter
  • "As owner of America's third-largest mail-order baking-soda distributorship, I am deeply concerned."

    Frank Dawson Business Owner
  • "To think that just a short time ago, the biggest worry in opening your mail was that a package might contain a spring-propelled boxing glove that knocked you unconscious."

    Keith Howe Cashier
  • "I was wondering why some moonsuit-wearin' motherfucker handed me a Lenscrafters flyer this morning."

    Dana Dunst Systems Analyst
  • "We should write 'Return To Sender' on any anthrax-laced letters. That'd show 'em."

    Andrea Vincent Podiatrist
  • "As a major New York media power player, I'd better see an envelope full of anthrax on my desk by noon tomorrow, or I'm gonna be seriously pissed."

    Thomas McEntyre Publisher
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings