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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Feces Transplants Help Cure Diarrhea

A new study found that transplanting feces from a healthy person, typically a relative, into the colon of someone suffering diarrhea due to an infection of the Clostridium difficile bacteria proved markedly more effective at curing the ailment than antibiotics. What do you think?

  • “Diarrhea it is.”

    Manny Stanford Systems Analyst
  • “Oh, no! I’ve just been flushing mine this whole time. What a terrible waste.”

    Ellen Edemann Room Service Waitress
  • “Did Jerry put you up to this? Because he’s been trying to trick me into putting his shit in my ass for months.”

    Lyndell Thirlwell Drying Oven Tender
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