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Politics

Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Federal Government Wants Subway Safety Oversight

The Obama administration will propose that safety regulations for subways and commuter trains be put under the jurisdiction of the federal government. What do you think?
  • "I don't know, do we really need any regulations other than 'If you see another train on the track, don't crash into it?'"

    Lyle Sturckow Agent Licensing Clerk
  • "I support it. I would love to hear a recording of President Obama saying 'Stand clear of the closing doors' in his ringing orator's voice."

    Levi Forrester Nodulizer
  • 'I've haven't seen such a clear violation of the 10th Amendment in days!"

    Tammy Fuglesang Regulatory Inspector

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