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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Feds 'Friending' People On Facebook To Spy

Federal documents suggest both the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services and the Department of Homeland Security have encouraged agents to "friend" suspects on Facebook in order to check for evidence of misdeeds. What do you think?

  • "That would probably explain all those videos in my feed of Keyboard Cat playing off deportees."

    Keith Renn Dado Operator
  • "Thanks for the heads up. I'd better get home and unfriend Janet Napolitano."

    Emma Brand Kitchen Porter
  • "So, these agents. How good are they at tending virtual crops?"

    David Convex Unemployed

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