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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Feds: McDonald’s Responsible For Welfare Of Franchise Workers

The National Labor Relations Board ruled Tuesday that even if a McDonald’s restaurant is operated by a franchise, the fast food chain is still jointly responsible for the welfare of its workers, and is liable for wage and other labor violations. What do you think?

  • “Good. I hate to think the production of my bacon cheeseburger involves any kind of suffering.”

    Trudy Newman Oil Painting Appraiser
  • “I don’t see how you can expect McDonald’s to be aware of everything that happens at every place that uses its name and sells its food.”

    Geoffrey Hodges Systems Analyst
  • “As a person who has eaten at McDonald’s for 40 years and tacitly agreed to the workers’ conditions, I’m glad this was settled without me having to do anything.”

    Charlie Cunningham Elevator Inspector

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