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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Feds: McDonald’s Responsible For Welfare Of Franchise Workers

The National Labor Relations Board ruled Tuesday that even if a McDonald’s restaurant is operated by a franchise, the fast food chain is still jointly responsible for the welfare of its workers, and is liable for wage and other labor violations. What do you think?

  • “Good. I hate to think the production of my bacon cheeseburger involves any kind of suffering.”

    Trudy Newman Oil Painting Appraiser
  • “I don’t see how you can expect McDonald’s to be aware of everything that happens at every place that uses its name and sells its food.”

    Geoffrey Hodges Systems Analyst
  • “As a person who has eaten at McDonald’s for 40 years and tacitly agreed to the workers’ conditions, I’m glad this was settled without me having to do anything.”

    Charlie Cunningham Elevator Inspector

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