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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Feds: McDonald’s Responsible For Welfare Of Franchise Workers

The National Labor Relations Board ruled Tuesday that even if a McDonald’s restaurant is operated by a franchise, the fast food chain is still jointly responsible for the welfare of its workers, and is liable for wage and other labor violations. What do you think?

  • “Good. I hate to think the production of my bacon cheeseburger involves any kind of suffering.”

    Trudy Newman Oil Painting Appraiser
  • “I don’t see how you can expect McDonald’s to be aware of everything that happens at every place that uses its name and sells its food.”

    Geoffrey Hodges Systems Analyst
  • “As a person who has eaten at McDonald’s for 40 years and tacitly agreed to the workers’ conditions, I’m glad this was settled without me having to do anything.”

    Charlie Cunningham Elevator Inspector

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