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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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FEMA Cuts Off Evacuees

FEMA recently announced that, at the end of the month, they will to stop paying for hurricane evacuees' hotel rooms. What do you think?
  • "Well, yeah. They've had, what, eight or nine weeks to build new houses?"

    Mark Osborne Tinsmith
  • "Those poor people have been through enough trauma without having to deal with the stigma of being kicked out of a hotel room—which I, as a former Van Halen groupie, can empathize with on a very deep level."

    Sarah King Purchasing Agent
  • "Why is everyone focusing on the negatives instead of how quickly and efficiently FEMA evacuated everyone from their hotel rooms?"

    Jim Fessler Bailiff
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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