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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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FEMA Slow To Investigate Toxic Trailers

FEMA is under fire for being slow to investigate reports by Hurricane Katrina victims who testified they've fallen ill from high levels of formaldehyde in their FEMA-provided trailers. What do you think?
  • "Oh come on, those illnesses could've been the result of any one of the many governmental failures following Katrina."

    Therese Dougan Office Manager
  • "This sounds like a pretty serious federal emergency. Thank God we have FEMA to take care of it."

    Jeremy Wallace Grants Advisor
  • "If anyone else can think of a better place for FEMA to store its formaldehyde, I'd like to hear it."

    Kelly Fowler Systems Analyst
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