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FEMA Slow To Investigate Toxic Trailers

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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FEMA Slow To Investigate Toxic Trailers

FEMA is under fire for being slow to investigate reports by Hurricane Katrina victims who testified they've fallen ill from high levels of formaldehyde in their FEMA-provided trailers. What do you think?
  • "Oh come on, those illnesses could've been the result of any one of the many governmental failures following Katrina."

    Therese Dougan Office Manager
  • "This sounds like a pretty serious federal emergency. Thank God we have FEMA to take care of it."

    Jeremy Wallace Grants Advisor
  • "If anyone else can think of a better place for FEMA to store its formaldehyde, I'd like to hear it."

    Kelly Fowler Systems Analyst

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