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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Fergie Was Drunk During Sting

Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, admitted she was broke and had been drinking when she accepted a cash down payment of $40,000 in an attempt to sell access to her former husband, Prince Andrew. What do you think?

  • "Is she still drunk? I have 40k and would like to have Andrew come to our barbecue-sauce trade fair."

    Jocelyn Asquith Fingerprint Classifier
  • "If she's so hard up, why doesn't she just stagger over to York and start seizing farmland from the commoners?"

    Brandon Pirroni Systems Analyst
  • "Which Fergie? And in both cases, forget it."

    Django Cox Chrome Buffer

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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