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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Fergie Was Drunk During Sting

Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, admitted she was broke and had been drinking when she accepted a cash down payment of $40,000 in an attempt to sell access to her former husband, Prince Andrew. What do you think?

  • "Is she still drunk? I have 40k and would like to have Andrew come to our barbecue-sauce trade fair."

    Jocelyn Asquith Fingerprint Classifier
  • "If she's so hard up, why doesn't she just stagger over to York and start seizing farmland from the commoners?"

    Brandon Pirroni Systems Analyst
  • "Which Fergie? And in both cases, forget it."

    Django Cox Chrome Buffer

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Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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