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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Feud Develops Between Sly Stallone, Bruce Willis

After Bruce Willis reportedly refused to appear in the movie The Expendables 3 for less than $1 million per day for four days of filming, the film’s star Sylvester Stallone blasted Willis on Twitter as “greedy and lazy” and said he would suffer “career failure.” What do you think?

  • “This could get interesting. But I doubt it.”

    Joshua Boggs Glass Calibrator
  • “Now I’m gonna have the Expendables theme song stuck in my head all day.”

    Adele Yelchin Unemployed
  • “No Bruce Willis? You mean it’ll just be Stallone, Eric Roberts, Harrison Ford, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Gary Daniels, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Randy Couture, Jason Statham, Terry Crews, and Steve Austin? Fuck that!”

    Derek Plauche Layaway Clerk

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