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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Feud Develops Between Sly Stallone, Bruce Willis

After Bruce Willis reportedly refused to appear in the movie The Expendables 3 for less than $1 million per day for four days of filming, the film’s star Sylvester Stallone blasted Willis on Twitter as “greedy and lazy” and said he would suffer “career failure.” What do you think?

  • “This could get interesting. But I doubt it.”

    Joshua Boggs Glass Calibrator
  • “Now I’m gonna have the Expendables theme song stuck in my head all day.”

    Adele Yelchin Unemployed
  • “No Bruce Willis? You mean it’ll just be Stallone, Eric Roberts, Harrison Ford, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Gary Daniels, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Randy Couture, Jason Statham, Terry Crews, and Steve Austin? Fuck that!”

    Derek Plauche Layaway Clerk
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