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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Fewer Emergency Rooms As Need Increases

According to a study published in The Journal Of The American Medical Association, the number of non-rural emergency rooms fell 27 percent even as ER visits nationwide rose 35 percent. What do you think?

  • “The upshot is that if the discrepancy persists long enough, we’ll have the perfect number of emergency rooms for everyone who hasn’t died.”

    Carol Stengler Systems Analyst
  • “But where are all the ambulances going to go?”

    Jim Harris Weight-Loss Camp Inspector
  • "Well, that doesn't sound good. Say, has anyone thought of trying to reform medical care in the United States?"

    Fred Butler Registrar
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