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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Series Reaches 10 Million Sales

Publishing house Vintage has sold 10 million copies of the erotica trilogy Fifty Shades Of Grey in multiple formats in an astonishing six weeks. What do you think?

  • “Whatever happened to the good old days of finding a cheap paperback with women spanking each other on the cover in your dad's sock drawer?”

    Veronica Palomino Invoice-Control Clerk
  • “I was really excited about it until I opened the book and guess what? It’s just a bunch of words.”

    Giovanni Dietrich Feed Mixer
  • “Idiots. There's no way there are more than 12 shades of grey.”

    Anthony Hoffman Systems Analyst

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