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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Series Reaches 10 Million Sales

Publishing house Vintage has sold 10 million copies of the erotica trilogy Fifty Shades Of Grey in multiple formats in an astonishing six weeks. What do you think?

  • “Whatever happened to the good old days of finding a cheap paperback with women spanking each other on the cover in your dad's sock drawer?”

    Veronica Palomino Invoice-Control Clerk
  • “I was really excited about it until I opened the book and guess what? It’s just a bunch of words.”

    Giovanni Dietrich Feed Mixer
  • “Idiots. There's no way there are more than 12 shades of grey.”

    Anthony Hoffman Systems Analyst

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