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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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File Sharer Fined $222,000

A Minnesota woman was fined $222,000 for illegally downloading and distributing 24 songs via the file-sharing network Kazaa. What do you think?
  • "Wow, is that how much music costs now? Honestly, I have no idea, I haven't paid for music in years."

    Pete Carson Furniture Mover
  • "A stiff fine, yes, but it's hardly as bad as when I was punched in the stomach for humming 'Hollaback Girl' on the elevator."

    Shelley Birney Painter
  • "To avoid any problems, I'll just start stealing from the record store again."

    Hans Hoerzl Curtain Installer
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