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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Film 'Neighborhood Watch' Gets Name Change

The Fox film studio is changing the name of its comedy Neighborhood Watch to The Watch in order to distance it from the killing of Florida boy Trayvon Martin by a neighborhood watch representative. What do you think?

  • "Sure, but they might get a lot more publicity if they changed the name to Neighborhood Watch: Maybe About Trayvon Martin?"

    Peter Rees Facility Examiner
  • "I didn't even think of Trayvon until you said that. Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with sobering thoughts all day."

    Maggie Ham Unemployed
  • “Zimmerman must really feel like shit now.”

    Brian Sneddon Gluing Machine Feeder
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