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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Film 'Neighborhood Watch' Gets Name Change

The Fox film studio is changing the name of its comedy Neighborhood Watch to The Watch in order to distance it from the killing of Florida boy Trayvon Martin by a neighborhood watch representative. What do you think?

  • "Sure, but they might get a lot more publicity if they changed the name to Neighborhood Watch: Maybe About Trayvon Martin?"

    Peter Rees Facility Examiner
  • "I didn't even think of Trayvon until you said that. Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with sobering thoughts all day."

    Maggie Ham Unemployed
  • “Zimmerman must really feel like shit now.”

    Brian Sneddon Gluing Machine Feeder

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