adBlockCheck

First American Colonists Engaged In Cannibalism

Top Headlines

Recent News

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

First American Colonists Engaged In Cannibalism

Citing knife and saw marks on the bones of a 14-year-old girl who is believed to have died of starvation, researchers concluded that the colonists in Jamestown, the first permanent English settlement in the Americas, ate the girl’s flesh and brain during the winter of 1609. What do you think?

  • “They must have really hated corn.”

    Lucas Doss Patent Agent
  • “It was a different time.”

    Mitchell Vargo Oil Pumper
  • “I’d eat some frozen kid if it meant escaping religious persecution.”

    Karen Osburn Audiologist

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close