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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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First Family In Crisis

In the wake of the Lewinsky scandal, media focus has shifted to the First Family, with some speculating that Bill and Hillary will divorce upon leaving the White House. What do you think about the future of the Clintons?
  • "Hillary must be deeply hurt and angered that her husband broke his sacred vow to keep his extramarital affairs from the press."

    Barry Todd Lawyer
  • "As a Sudanese factory worker, I sincerely hope that Bill Clinton remains faithful to his wife during his remaining time in office."

    Biswot Salaam Factory Worker
  • "I used to think Hillary was a bitch, but all that's changed now that I see her as a victim."

    Renee Walker Manicurist
  • "I'm just glad Hillary hasn't stood by her man like some good little woman like Tammy Wynette."

    Gina Lyons Systems Analyst
  • "That recent vacation on Martha's Vineyard was just what Hillary needed–a break from the pressure of constantly feigning surprise and indignation."

    Larry Klecko Opthamologist
  • "One thing's for sure: It'll be years before Chelsea is willing to give a guy a blow job."

    Rick Leahy Carpenter

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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