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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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First Family In Crisis

In the wake of the Lewinsky scandal, media focus has shifted to the First Family, with some speculating that Bill and Hillary will divorce upon leaving the White House. What do you think about the future of the Clintons?
  • "Hillary must be deeply hurt and angered that her husband broke his sacred vow to keep his extramarital affairs from the press."

    Barry Todd Lawyer
  • "As a Sudanese factory worker, I sincerely hope that Bill Clinton remains faithful to his wife during his remaining time in office."

    Biswot Salaam Factory Worker
  • "I used to think Hillary was a bitch, but all that's changed now that I see her as a victim."

    Renee Walker Manicurist
  • "I'm just glad Hillary hasn't stood by her man like some good little woman like Tammy Wynette."

    Gina Lyons Systems Analyst
  • "That recent vacation on Martha's Vineyard was just what Hillary needed–a break from the pressure of constantly feigning surprise and indignation."

    Larry Klecko Opthamologist
  • "One thing's for sure: It'll be years before Chelsea is willing to give a guy a blow job."

    Rick Leahy Carpenter

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