First Female Tower Of London Guard Bullied

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
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First Female Tower Of London Guard Bullied

The bullying of Moira Cameron, the first female "Beefeater" guard in the Tower of London's history, has resulted in the suspension of two Beefeaters and the investigation of a third. What do you think?
  • "It's understandable that she would be bullied, since those men are probably bullied all the time by real soldiers."

    Sara Donelly Project Administrator
  • "These new guards better toughen up if they're going to have any hope of containing Sir Thomas More."

    Kevin Wiggs Systems Analyst
  • "Yeah, but it's weird seeing a woman wearing that dress."

    Ed Farley Truck Driver

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