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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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First Flower Blooms In Space

Astronaut Scott Kelly tweeted an image of an orange zinnia that has been grown entirely within the International Space Station’s Veggie chamber despite damages the plant suffered from humidity and mold, an accomplishment that NASA hopes will lead to other agricultural developments in outer space. What do you think?

  • “That ought to help brighten up the unfathomably immense blackness of our universe.”

    Duncan Rizer Elbow Specialist
  • “So, what, one day all flowers will be grown in space or something?”

    Madeline Dubose Gerbil Socializer
  • “I never thought I’d be alive to see NASA’s final triumph.”

    Joel Simpson Corporate Skeptic
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