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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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First Lady Joins Pinterest

Michelle Obama joined the social networking site Pinterest, adding photos of her family and her garden. What do you think?

  • "I guess that’s why she hasn’t updated her ‘Fuck Yeah, Swiss Chard’ Tumblr account in a while."

    Chantall Brooker Systems Analyst
  • "If only Andrew Breitbart were alive to comment on this development. "

    Adam Zito Magazine Filler
  • "This administration is so hip and in line with our interests. We'd be fools not to vote for them."

    Todd White Rivet Heater

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