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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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First Lady Joins Pinterest

Michelle Obama joined the social networking site Pinterest, adding photos of her family and her garden. What do you think?

  • "I guess that’s why she hasn’t updated her ‘Fuck Yeah, Swiss Chard’ Tumblr account in a while."

    Chantall Brooker Systems Analyst
  • "If only Andrew Breitbart were alive to comment on this development. "

    Adam Zito Magazine Filler
  • "This administration is so hip and in line with our interests. We'd be fools not to vote for them."

    Todd White Rivet Heater

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