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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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First Lady Urges Americans To Drink More Water

Noting that 4 in 10 Americans drink less than half the recommended amount of water per day, Michelle Obama kicked off her new Drink Up initiative, launching the hashtag #DrinkH2O and a new website, youarewhatyoudrink.org, to help spread her message. What do you think?

  • “The trick is to cut it with a little soda.”

    Carl Maginnis Interior Decorator
  • “If there’s anybody who could get me to drink more water, it’s Michelle Obama. Look at her, she’s 60 percent water.”

    Polly Fullerton Podiatrist
  • “If I want to be dehydrated, that’s my damn business. I’ll check out that website, though—sounds neat.”

    Brad Bruno Unemployed

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