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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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First Lady Urges Americans To Drink More Water

Noting that 4 in 10 Americans drink less than half the recommended amount of water per day, Michelle Obama kicked off her new Drink Up initiative, launching the hashtag #DrinkH2O and a new website, youarewhatyoudrink.org, to help spread her message. What do you think?

  • “The trick is to cut it with a little soda.”

    Carl Maginnis Interior Decorator
  • “If there’s anybody who could get me to drink more water, it’s Michelle Obama. Look at her, she’s 60 percent water.”

    Polly Fullerton Podiatrist
  • “If I want to be dehydrated, that’s my damn business. I’ll check out that website, though—sounds neat.”

    Brad Bruno Unemployed
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