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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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First Latin American Pope Chosen

Argentine Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, 76, was elected to the papacy yesterday, becoming the first Latin American and the first Jesuit pontiff in the Vatican’s history, and taking the name Pope Francis I. What do you think?

  • “Finally, a pope who can dance the forbidden dance.”

    Fiona Gough Awning Hanger
  • “Isn’t he a bit young?”

    Jack Wakefield Dial Maker
  • “This is a hell of a way to find out I’m not the new pope.”

    Thomas Simpson Unemployed
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