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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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First Mixed-Embryo Monkey Born

Scientists reported in the journal Cell the first successful birth of a monkey composed of stem cells from six different monkey embryos. What do you think?

  • "No one should play God with monkeys. Unless it is Hanuman, the Hindu monkey god. He gets a pass."

    Drake Evans Systems Analyst
  • "Wow, that's amazing. Imagine having the hat-stealing abilities of six monkeys!"

    Dana Thorsen Hose Puller
  • "I love how suddenly the successful birth of a monkey with stem cells from only five different monkey embryos isn't a big deal anymore. Now I'm yesterday's news, Cell?"

    Mr. Bobo Monkey
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