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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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First Openly Gay Player Selected In NFL Draft

In the seventh and final round of the 2014 NFL Draft this weekend, Missouri defensive end Michael Sam was selected by the St. Louis Rams as the 249th overall pick, becoming the first openly gay player to join the NFL. What do you think?

  • “Why can’t this guy bottle up his sexual preference and channel it into explosive rage and violence like other players?”

    Josh Hall Systems Analyst
  • “It’s nice to see the NFL take a step forward on its single biggest issue besides sexual assault, racist team names, and concussion-induced suicides.”

    Rebecca Keener Day Care Administrator
  • “I find it strange that a player’s sexuality would be a subject of discussion. Are you sure this is professional sports we’re talking about?”

    Oliver Peet Bus Route Coordinator

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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