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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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First Openly Gay Player Selected In NFL Draft

In the seventh and final round of the 2014 NFL Draft this weekend, Missouri defensive end Michael Sam was selected by the St. Louis Rams as the 249th overall pick, becoming the first openly gay player to join the NFL. What do you think?

  • “Why can’t this guy bottle up his sexual preference and channel it into explosive rage and violence like other players?”

    Josh Hall Systems Analyst
  • “It’s nice to see the NFL take a step forward on its single biggest issue besides sexual assault, racist team names, and concussion-induced suicides.”

    Rebecca Keener Day Care Administrator
  • “I find it strange that a player’s sexuality would be a subject of discussion. Are you sure this is professional sports we’re talking about?”

    Oliver Peet Bus Route Coordinator

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