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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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First Openly Gay Player Selected In NFL Draft

In the seventh and final round of the 2014 NFL Draft this weekend, Missouri defensive end Michael Sam was selected by the St. Louis Rams as the 249th overall pick, becoming the first openly gay player to join the NFL. What do you think?

  • “Why can’t this guy bottle up his sexual preference and channel it into explosive rage and violence like other players?”

    Josh Hall Systems Analyst
  • “It’s nice to see the NFL take a step forward on its single biggest issue besides sexual assault, racist team names, and concussion-induced suicides.”

    Rebecca Keener Day Care Administrator
  • “I find it strange that a player’s sexuality would be a subject of discussion. Are you sure this is professional sports we’re talking about?”

    Oliver Peet Bus Route Coordinator
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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